Today at lunch, someone on duty broke up a fight and surprise surprise, it was two of your boys. They would never do it on your watch, when they are locked up in the cage, but the yard duty supervisor sees them in their natural habitat and so the yard duty teacher sees all. 

Naturally, you proclaim that this would have never happened if you were there, but deep down you knew the writing was on the wall. They are, after all, boys, and boys under 10 are the worst. They get in fights, make excuses, do poorly on tests and are consistently a burden on the academic world you live in.

Thank goodness you have the girls. They are studious and well-tempered, they sit perfectly still and aim to please – and yet, one of them just psychologically ruined another child’s entire adolescence with a succession of precisely timed, verbal slashes, while you were standing right next to her praising her ‘penmanship.’ 
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Thank goodness you have the boys. They aren’t quite as articulate and they may leave a bruise, but at least they don’t go for the heart.
Over your teaching career, you will probably engage in a conversation with a similarly aged colleague while in the presence of students. Despite the fact that this will happen, it is considered ill-advised and should be avoided if at all possible.

Conversations such as these will invariably lead to your engagement, wedding, and 2.5 children in the near future – that is – if your students’ imaginations had their way. ​
Dating someone you work with is usually a bad idea. When teachers get together, they are worse than a sewing circle. Any juicy piece of gossip they can get their hands on will be shared – cause, after all, sharing is caring. Your love life, or lack thereof, is a much more engaging water-cooler conversation than lamenting about standardized testing.

As far as the students are concerned though, your romantic involvement with a coworker need not be based in reality. To them, all it takes for two people to get together is to exist in the same place at the same time. It’s actually quite a refreshing and progressive way to think about dating.
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So, apparently me and the lunch lady are an item, because I bought a sandwich. 

I better start shopping for a ring.
You’ve really outdone yourself on the Science Fair project this year, Mrs. Johnson. 

That said, no one is buying that this expertly designed working volcano has any of your son’s input. We can see that he’s written his name on it, but that’s probably the extent of his handiwork. 
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It is a challenge to get the best out of students without being too heavy-handed in influencing what they produce and as a teacher, you have found that balance. Parents on the other hand often mean well, but end up taking over and doing everything themselves. 
Oh, and they always do an awesome job. 

So, if you want beautifully designed “student” displays to adorn your classroom, never ask for them to be completed during school hours. Rather, assign the project for homework and they will come back exceeding your expectations.
Last year when you attended Professional Development days, you were happy to be out the door. You weren’t too upset that your PD sessions were not in exotic destinations and far off locations like your high school teaching compatriots, so long as you had the maximum number of days away from your insane class. 

Yes, last year your class was full of beans no matter what you did and a good long, PD week was just the ticket.

This year is different though, something is amiss. When you are scheduled for teacher training in the library you find yourself drifting back up to your class on breaks – you know, just to check if they’re doing okay. The supply teacher looks calm, happy almost, your class waves and says they miss you and without thinking you blurt out, “I miss you, too.” 

It’s been half a day and you already can’t live without them, the supply teacher’s hair is thicker than it was at the start of the day and when you return from your day of learning, a note on your desk informs you that you were missed desperately and that you are, “just 2 cul.” 
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You sir, have a dream class (albeit one that needs to work on spelling tomorrow). Now whatever you do, keep it under your lid, or those in charge of placement will make sure that they aren’t so kind to you next year.
Guess what fellow teacher; I just had a bad day. My students acted their age and I couldn’t act mine. I cowered in corners, fled outdoors, and hyperventilated in stairwells. While they bounced off walls, spit on floors, hung from ceilings and generally had a whale of a time. 

Good thing I have you to cheer me up. I tell you what happened and you listen intently without judgement; occasionally sighing in disbelief at how bad things have been. Sharing makes me feel a bit better. But the true healing doesn’t begin until you share the story of your day – and my goodness, it was much, much worse.

For once, the grass is less green on your side of the fence. Thanks again neighbour, things are looking brighter already!
“A Teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” ~ Henry Brooks Adams 

My mom wrote that quote on a card she gave me when I moved overseas for my first teaching post. I truly love it. Mostly because I am susceptible to flattery, but mostly because it came from my mom. 

And to a certain extent, from Henry Brooks Adams as well. 

Though Adams was actually writing about bad teaching and how it can screw things up royally for a long period of time. That said, I don’t think that is what my mom was going for when she gave me that card. Then again, maybe that’s exactly what she was going for. I do, kind of, make it a policy to mess with kids' brains. 
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But I digress… 

Teaching is a beautifully inspiring profession (when done well), that lends itself well to quotations and sound bites. These quotes have adorned the thousand coffee mugs, posters and miniature chalkboards that teachers have received as gifts over their careers. 

If you’re a teacher and have received a card or trinket that says something like – 

“The task of the modern educator is not to cut down jungles, but to irrigate deserts.” ~ C.S. Lewis 

or 

“It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.” ~ Albert Einstein 

then chances are, you are loved dearly by a student whose parents didn’t know that they should have just bought you wine.
I know you. You’re a purist. 

You fear the written word is quickly becoming a thing of the past. 

At the beach, when you’re basking in the rays, reading a popular paperback, you frequently lament the number of Kindles you see, or the plethora of folks with their heads so deep into their iPhones, it is as if they were buried in the sand. 

You fear that libraries will soon be replaced by server rooms and that the only thing that will come from the cloud is more rain.

Well fear not, my extremely pessimistic, luddite friend. Technology may eventually be the death of us all (my prediction is five years until that happens), but the written word is alive and well, and it exists, forever, in elementary school libraries.

As much as we think kids are addicted to their iPads (and they are), they still can’t get enough of stories. Munsch, Seuss, Lewis and Dahl. Potter, Carroll, Montgomery and Rowling. No matter how much your kid loved the movie, they like the book a lot better. 

No matter how great the visuals on your HDTV, the colours they create in the recesses of their minds when you read them their favorite story (for the third time), are the brightest, the boldest, and the beautifulest that have ever existed.

So, remember, before you die at the hands of an Artificial Intelligence, get yourself down to a library and find your inner peace.